I promise I’ll finish the story of Liam’s birth and first week, but my neighbor just gave me a disk with the pictures she took of Liam when he was just about 2 weeks old and I had to post them. I’m so lucky to be surrounded by such talented friends!

Thank you so much, Brekke, for the gift of these pictures! I sure do love this little one.

What a crazy couple of weeks! Since I’ve written down the birth stories of our other children, I figure I need to do the same for Liam’s birth, though it certainly won’t be a very fun story to share. Spoiler alert! It all works out in the end. Cue very long story.

For those who don’t want all the details, here’s the basic information. Liam Mark Haymond joined our family at 9:02 am on Wednesday, April 17th weighing in at 7 pounds 5 ounces and measuring 20 inches long.

After Easton’s birth, I was so eager to share my story. The birth had been so idyllic–a wonderful waterbirth where I felt safe and confident and a perfectly healthy baby boy. Just seconds after Easton was born, I turned to Bryce and said, “I could do that again!” After that experience, I guess I just thought I’d gotten the hang of this birthing thing. I wasn’t able to have the same midwife, but I figured it would work out all right. This was my fourth birthing. Piece of cake by now, right? Wrong.

Tuesday evening, around 5:30, I started having contractions. We called Mark and Brenda and they came and picked up Amelie, Calder, and Easton later that evening. At 2 a.m., I called the midwives since my contractions were about 5 minutes apart. They said to make our way to the birth center and we arrived at 3 a.m. When we got there, one of the midwives checked my dilation and I was 4 cms dilated, but not very effaced yet. Baby’s head was still very high. She was able to manually “stretch” me to 6 cms as she checked me. After that, I labored on a birth ball to try to get his head to descend. The problem with a baby whose head hasn’t dropped down yet is that the contractions aren’t as effective. Things really kick into gear when baby’s head is pressing against the cervix–the pressure helps it to thin out and dilate. I labored like this for several hours. The midwives rubbed clary sage oil on my belly and gave me some oral homeopathics to encourage the contractions to become stronger and closer together. I was not a happy camper. Even the tub didn’t seem to help much. I was exhausted and crying and in a lot of pain. This was not how things were supposed to go! When they checked me again around 6:30, I told Bryce, “If I’m still at a 6, we’re going to the hospital and I’m getting an epidural.” I was at a 7. For some reason, I didn’t press the hospital idea and just kept going.

I got back in the tub, decided I had had enough crying, and tried to get it together. One of the student midwives said, “God got you to it, He can get you through it.” Corny as that sounds, it actually helped and I just kept repeating it to myself. All the while, Bryce was my rock. He held me, pushed on my back to provide counter pressure, placed cold towels on my back when I was in the tub, and kept the encouraging words coming. I don’t know what I would have done without him. I anchored myself to him and didn’t let go.

Finally (finally!) I felt like I needed to push. Now, Amelie took 50 minutes to push out–this was actually really good for a first time mom, an epidural, and a 9 pound baby. Calder took 10 minutes–about 4 pushes. Easton took about 4 pushes. I just assumed that baby 4 would be easy to push out. I mean, my body had already done this 3 times. This should be the easy part! Wrong again.It only took about 9 minutes of pushing to get him out, but it felt like an eternity. I’ve heard a lot of women say that they like the pushing part–that it’s a relief to be able to work with the contractions. I am definitely not one of those women. To be honest, I really didn’t think I was going to be able to get this baby out. I was like a feral animal–completely crazed and out of my mind. It is so much work to push a baby out! With Easton, I felt safe and secure and although this part was hard, I didn’t lose it. This birth was the complete opposite. Finally (finally!) I was in the tub and he was crowning and I had his head out. Relieved, I thought the rest would be easy. Wrong! I heard the midwives saying, “He isn’t coming. He isn’t coming,” and I knew something was wrong. I have read enough to know (maybe a little too much) what this means and what it signaled in my mind was danger. If babies get stuck at this point, their umbilical cords can become so compressed inside the birth canal that they can become oxygen deprived and this can lead to very very serious consequences. And what on earth would I do if I couldn’t figure out how to get this child out? Very quickly, the midwife spoke to me directly. “Raven. You have to get on all fours. Now.” This technique is called the Gaskin Maneauver (named after a famous midwife here in the States) and is used when you have a shoulder dystocia presentation (when baby gets stuck at the shoulders). As it turns out, it wasn’t his shoulders that were the problem, but his short cord. Either way, I knew the midwife was serious, that this was all very serious, and that I had to act NOW. I quickly flipped over onto my hands and knees and just started pushing with everything I had. I felt like I was trying to push aside a mountain, but the room was filled with an urgency that turned on some instinct in my head and I just pushed with all my might.

My sweetheart. All of the pain and craziness was worth it for you, my little man.

Finally (finally!) at 9:02 a.m. he was out. He had a short umbilical cord which is probably why it took so long for his head to descend into birthing position. He seemed too still to me and I was still in panic mode, so I kept saying, “Is he okay? Is he okay?” They assured me that he was, gave him a couple breaths of mouth to mouth, and he started to perk up. Unfortunately, I was still having strong contractions while we waited for my placenta to come, so I had to pass baby off to the midwives. I remember saying, “I just want them to be done!” It seems cruel to continue to experience those kinds of contractions after baby has been born. Shouldn’t the hard work be done? Well, finally (finally!) it was done and I was on the bed and sweet Liam was nursing. Although I told Bryce that I would never ever birth without an epidural again, I was relieved that since I hadn’t had an epidural, when it came time to get Liam out, when he was stuck, I was able to flip over onto my hands and knees. This wouldn’t have been possible if I had had an epidural and the birthing could have been even more traumatic for both me and Liam. We seemed to be past the scary part and I was getting ready to relax and just enjoy our new little one. I was already completely devoted to him and so in love. Bryce told me that he was amazed at my strength and that I had done such a good job, but I felt like I had been weak. That if I had been stronger, I could have managed everything better, done a better job. I felt depleted and sad that this birth had been so different from Easton’s. But it was done and I had done it and he was here and he was precious. As it turns out, we still had a long road of scary ahead. I’ll save that for another post, though, or this might turn out to be the longest blog post in the history of the world.

Today my baby turns 2 years old. What a wonderful two years this has been! I have just enjoyed Easton so much. Maybe it’s the fact that he’s my third and I’ve wanted to savor his baby-hood, or maybe it’s his inherent sweetness, but I have found so much joy in being his mother. At 2, Easton is a funny little guy. He definitely has a sense of humor and does a great job making me laugh during the day. He is also a snuggler, always wanting to be with me and do what I am doing.

Some of Easton’s favorite words and phrases:

“Uh-huh!” He says this with a very distinct chipper quality as if saying, “Yes! You understand! Good job!”

“Thank you!”

“Blank-et” with a definite pause between syllables.

“See it!” He always wants to “see it” and know what I’m up to.

Saying goodbye is a darling production. Usually, it goes something like, “Bye! See ya! Love you! Hug! Bye! See ya!”

And now for the pictures. I just adore these images of my sweet boy. Big thanks to my friend and neighbor Mandi Taylor for taking them! Sorry for the sheer number of them, but I can’t resist. I just love them and I love this boy!

Hi, there!

Sheer delight. Such a happy boy.

“Ooooo!”

If you’re happy and you know it…

Yay!

Cheese!

Contemplative.

Full of wonder.

Awww…Don’t worry, this only lasted a second.

“See it!”

Hilarious!

Happy birthday, my love!

You know, it’s so easy to allow yourself to get focused on the wrong things. Personally, I struggle with feelings of inadequacy as a mother. Maybe I wasn’t as patient as I should have been, maybe I checked Facebook when I should have read to my child, maybe I got frustrated at bedtime, maybe they spent too much time watching TV…whatever it is, it’s easy for me to feel like I’m failing. Thank goodness for the words of scripture, for a loving and insightful husband, and for the peace that a loving Heavenly Father sends–these three sources always bring me back up and help me see things how they really are.

So, how are things really? Well, yes, I admit that I am not perfect. I make mistakes and it is good and wise to work toward improvement and progression. However, I do a lot of things right, too. I love my children with all that I am. I try to teach them Truths that will lead to happiness. I care for their physical needs. I tell them that I love them, I hug them, and I let them know that they are special to me. I care deeply about their education, I take them to the park when it’s nice outside, and I remind them that they are children of a Father who loves them.

I wanted to take a minute to reflect on each of my children.

Amelie One truth is that she is slow as molasses when it comes to getting ready for bed. It can take this child an hour to get her pajamas on, use the bathroom, and brush her teeth. And this can be so frustrating when it’s the end of the day and I’m ready to relax for a bit! But here are the bigger truths. Amelie has one of the most tender spirits I’ve ever encountered. She is sensitive–both to her own feelings and to the feelings of others. She is so gentle and has a gift for helping people feel better. She loves to love and be loved. Mothering her reminds me to be gentle and loving myself. She approaches life with curiosity and a strong desire to understand. What a gift she is to me.

Calder One truth is that Calder is all boy–loud, always moving, goofy to the max. And it’s not always easy for me to parent all the energy and dynamics that he brings to our home. But here are some more important truths. Truths that I want to focus on more in our daily interactions. Calder is such a friend at heart. He is so eager to be your friend and share his enthusiasm for living with you. He is jolly and silly and has such a sense of humor. He is quick to laugh and this is a blessing when it diffuses an otherwise tense moment. He has a tender heart and just wants to be loved. At the most unexpected moments he will give me a hug and a kiss and tell me that he loves me. And even if we had a rough day yesterday, in the morning he is ready to move on and has every confidence that I will be a better mother today. Mothering Calder reminds me to not sweat the small stuff and to see the joy in this life. What a treasure he is to me.

A sneak peek at his birthday pictures!

Easton One truth is, Easton can be a handful sometimes. But, truth be told, I hardly notice most of the time. Here’s what I do notice. Easton is such a joy. He is so eager to explore and engage and discover. He is full of wonder and reminds me to take a breath, look around, and notice the beauties of this world. He is brimming with delight and love. What a joy he is to me.

Although there are times when I worry about having four children and my own weaknesses, I know that my weaknesses can be made strengths, that there are so many people (seen and unseen) supporting my efforts, and that these little ones are pearls beyond price. Today I am just grateful to be a mother.

This past Wednesday I hit the 38-week mark. Technically, my due date is April 10th. But after our experience with Easton (9 days past my due date), I’m trying not to get to focused on that date. Somehow, I’ve gotten this far into the pregnancy without taking a single picture to record belly growth. I got one today, though, just so this poor baby wouldn’t feel too neglected. For comparison sake:

38 weeks with Amelie. 

38 weeks with Calder. 

38 weeks with Easton. 

38 weeks with baby #4.

I am feeling very big and am looking forward to getting back to my pre-pregnancy shape.

July 2012.

Just before I got pregnant, I ran the Freedom Run 10k (a little over 6 miles). I was probably in the best shape of my life. It will be a long road to get back to that point, but I’m excited to get started! And I know this new little one will be worth every pound I’ll have to work so hard to lose. Babies are just the best.